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All
around us, in films, fashion and advertising, we see images
of people looking confident, sultry and sexy. It's easy to
believe that the whole world is 'doing it and enjoying it!'
In reality, most people have stresses and anxieties about
sex at some point in their life.
Starting
a sexual relationship or having new sexual experiences can
feel very worrying. You may have decided to save sex for a
special relationship. If this is the case, it can be hard
to work out when it is the right time and whether it is the
right person to have sex with. Perhaps you think you would
like to go further, but are worried about how it will feel
or about what people will think of you. On the other hand,
you may want a relationship or perhaps just want sex, but
can't find a partner.
Perhaps your first sexual experiences felt out of control
and weren't the ones that you would have chosen for yourself.
You may have had sexual contact that you didn't want, for
instance by being pressured, assaulted or sexually abused.
When this happens to someone, sex can feel very stressful,
or it can feel spoilt - as if there's no point in looking
after it, or yourself, any more.
You
may have all kinds of pressures on you. Friends might be talking
about having a lot of sex and you may feel like you need to
catch up with them. A boyfriend or girlfriend may be more
sexually experienced than you and they may be pushing you
to take things further. On the other hand, there may be pressure
to slow down and limit your sexual behaviour. You might have
friends, family or other important people or beliefs in your
life, which encourage you or tell you not to have sex.
It
can also feel stressful, if you're having sex and not enjoying
it as much as you want. You might imagine that everyone around
you is having a good time, and you may feel a 'freak'. Both
sex in a relationship as well as casual sex can be a let down
at times. In fact there are lots of reasons why sex can be
disappointing. These can include the kind of relationship
you have with your sexual partner, how you're feeling about
yourself, your physical and mental health, doubts about your
sexuality (whether you are gay or straight), whether you can
both talk about what you would like and both of your previous
experiences of sex.
If
sex is stressful for you, some of the following suggestions
may be helpful:
- Try
to work out what you think, feel and want for yourself
- Don't
believe everything that friends tell you - perhaps they
are not really having as much sex or enjoying it as much
as they say!
- You
might enjoy getting to know your own body better - this
can be a good way to have sex and can help you work out
what you enjoy in relationships
- If
you're having casual sex that leaves you feeling bad about
yourself, it might help to limit alcohol or drug use, so
that you feel more in control of your choices
- If
you have a regular partner, try talking about the sex that
you are having and sharing ideas about what you might like
- this could include touching and cuddling that may not
lead to sex
- If
it feels hard to talk about sex in your relationship, a
Relate or other couples counsellor might be able to help
- If
memories of bad past experiences (flashbacks) are getting
in the way of enjoying sex, talking to your partner, a friend
or a counsellor could help you to move on
- Remember
- it is your body - you have the right to choose!
Related
links
For
more information about worries about sex try:
For
other sources of help:
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