| All around us, in films, fashion
and advertising, we see images of people looking confident,
sultry and sexy. It’s easy to believe that the whole
world is ‘doing it and enjoying it!’ In reality,
most people have stresses and anxieties about sex at some
point in their life.
Starting a sexual relationship or having new
sexual experiences can feel very worrying. You may have decided
to save sex for a special relationship. If this is the case,
it can be hard to work out when it is the right time and whether
it is the right person to have sex with. Perhaps you think
you would like to go further, but are worried about how it
will feel or about what people will think of you. On the other
hand, you may want a relationship or perhaps just want sex,
but can’t find a partner.
Perhaps your first sexual experiences felt out of control
and weren’t the ones that you would have chosen for
yourself. You may have had sexual contact that you didn’t
want, for instance by being pressured, assaulted or sexually
abused. When this happens to someone, sex can feel very stressful,
or it can feel spoilt – as if there’s no point
in looking after it, or yourself, any more.
You may have all kinds of pressures on you.
Friends might be talking about having a lot of sex and you
may feel like you need to catch up with them. A boyfriend
or girlfriend may be more sexually experienced than you and
they may be pushing you to take things further. On the other
hand, there may be pressure to slow down and limit your sexual
behaviour. You might have friends, family or other important
people or beliefs in your life, which encourage you or tell
you not to have sex.
It can also feel stressful, if you’re
having sex and not enjoying it as much as you want. You might
imagine that everyone around you is having a good time, and
you may feel a ‘freak’. Both sex in a relationship
as well as casual sex can be a let down at times. In fact
there are lots of reasons why sex can be disappointing. These
can include the kind of relationship you have with your sexual
partner, how you’re feeling about yourself, your physical
and mental health, doubts about your sexuality (whether you
are gay or straight), whether you can both talk about what
you would like and both of your previous experiences of sex.
If sex is stressful for you, some of the following
suggestions may be helpful:
•
Try to work out what you think, feel and want for yourself
• Don’t believe everything that friends tell you
- perhaps they are not really having as much sex or enjoying
it as much as they say!
• You might enjoy getting to know your own body better
– this can be a good way to have sex and can help you
work out what you enjoy in relationships
• If you’re having casual sex that leaves you
feeling bad about yourself, it might help to limit alcohol
or drug use, so that you feel more in control of your choices
• If you have a regular partner, try talking about the
sex that you are having and sharing ideas about what you might
like – this could include touching and cuddling that
may not lead to sex
• If it feels hard to talk about sex in your relationship,
a Relate or other couples counsellor might be able to help
• If memories of bad past experiences (flashbacks) are
getting in the way of enjoying sex, talking to your partner,
a friend or a counsellor could help you to move on
• Remember - it is your body - you have the right to
choose!
Also
See:
Related
Links:
For
other sources of help:
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