| Going through a miscarriage
can be a very upsetting experience. It can be hard to cope
with miscarriage whether the pregnancy was planned or unplanned
and even when you are uncertain about whether to have the
baby or not. Although one in every four pregnancies ends in
miscarriage, it is an experience that is not talked about
very often. For this reason many people have a false idea
that pregnancy is a straight-forward business that always
ends with the birth of a healthy baby after nine months.
If your pregnancy goes wrong, you may be going through a lot
of feeelings. It is normal to feel guilty and to try to make
sense of what’s happened by blaming yourself. For instance
you may think that if you had rested more or drunk less, the
baby would still be ok. If you weren’t sure whether
or not to keep the baby, you may also feel guilty if the pregnancy
goes wrong. It is also natural to feel angry and upset after
a miscarriage. You might be angry with your body for ‘letting
you down’ and perhaps angry with doctors or nurses for
not being able to do anything and not having a good explanation
for what has happened. A miscarriage is also a loss, like
any other death and it can be especially hard because you
have had no chance to know the baby that you have lost. It
can also feel very difficult to share your feelings because
they are not for a person who you and other people have known.
This can feel particularly lonely. You may also be feeling
very out of control and scared about future pregnancies.
If you or a friend has had a miscarriage, the following might
be helpful:
• It is very unlikely that you have caused the miscarriage
- healthy babies can survive in all kinds of very extreme
situations and the chances are that the miscarriage had nothing
to do with your behaviour
• Babies survive even when they are unwanted. If you
weren’t sure whether to keep the baby, this could not
cause a miscarriage
• Most women who miscarry, go on to have healthy pregnancies
• It is normal to grieve for your baby and this can
take some time – your feelings will change over time.
Check out the page on bereavement
• Remember to look after yourself physically as well
– Your body has been through a trauma and needs looking
after
• Try talking to someone about what you’re going
through – a partner, friend or counsellor might be able
to help you get through this tough time
Related
links
For
more information about miscarriage try:
For
other sources of help:
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