| Sometimes
people may react to their difficult feelings by being aggressive
to people around them, whether they are friends, family, partners
or strangers. Aggression can be either verbal or physical.
Some people only behave aggressively in very particular situations,
for instance after drinking alcohol or when they feel that
they are not being taken seriously or when they are very upset
and raw. Whatever causes the aggression and whatever form
it takes it can cause a range of difficulties. These include
physical risk to self or other people, police or other authority
involvement, feelings of intimidation, feelings of loss of
control, guilt and increased isolation.
At
first, using aggressive behaviours can help us to feel that
we are getting what we want and that we can control other
people. However, gradually this behaviour may feel quite frightening
and out of control, as we push people further away and feel
more alone. It can feel particularly distressing to find that
we are using aggression when we have been on the receiving
end of aggressive behaviours ourselves, perhaps earlier in
our lives through bullying or from adults who should have
cared for us.
If
you have difficulties with aggression some of the following
may be helpful:
•
Try to work out what triggers your aggression and, if possible,
avoid these situations E.g. drinking alcohol, feeling misunderstood
and not explaining yourself
• Learning to take time to think before reacting can
help you to keep control of your behaviours. Try counting
to ten in your head before doing anything or walking away
for a minute or two. Use this time to stop and think about
why you are so angry, what could happen if you act on your
aggressive feelings and what you would prefer to see yourself
doing
• Learning some simple relaxation techniques can also
help you to manage your stress without lashing out. As well
as total relaxation, simply taking some long deep breaths
or clenching your body tight and then relaxing it are instant
ways to lower the stress levels in difficult situations
• If particular feelings lead you to become aggressive,
get support in dealing with these. For instance there might
be good reason to feel angry and expressing these feelings
in a safe and controlled way could be important. Learning
to recognise and manage your feelings can help you to control
aggression and feel better about yourself
• If you find that your feelings are too much for you
to manage by yourself then talk to someone about them. You
may try talking to a friend or family member or you may prefer
to talk to someone separate from your everyday life such as
a counsellor
• Anger management courses can help you to understand
how you become angry and how to cope when aggressive feelings
are spinning out of control. On a course like this you could
learn to recognise what triggers aggression and how this can
be changed by learning to be more assertive in telling others
what you need or want without hurting them
Related
links
For
more information about aggressive behaviour try:
For
other sources of help:
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